“We should try to live like you for a change.”
The sun shines on. It is almost impossible to remember how the overcast weather makes me feel now; it has been sunny for days. Yesterday, I let myself face it without any sort of eye protection, squinting in its rays and allowing myself to recharge. Today, I wear sunglasses and I feel anew.
Last night, I lay on my bed and contemplated redownloading the apps. Unfortunately, I folded and recreated my Tinder profile. I watched as the number of the icon at the bottom of the screen increased, symbolizing the number of people who had liked me. I felt a power that I have been withholding from myself for a month. Already, I was messaging people as we matched and hoping for one conversation to entertain. I feel so ashamed of my desire to be validated and how that hasn’t just “gone away” with my realization of it.
I admit this to my friend, C, at movie night and she tells me that she feels I should not be ashamed of it. We talk about her friends who have just gone back to Germany from their visit to Paris and I share that I quite liked them and found them good company.
“They really liked you,” she tells me. “When you left from seeing us on Monday, we talked about how we have never really met anyone like you before. You’re so confident and funny and you live your life in a beautiful way. [Her friend] said that we should try to live like you for a change.”
